she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
