Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
