"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
