I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize