I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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