On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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