so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize