I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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