Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize