he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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