you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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