Apparently you make a good broom.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Shame - the story of my life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
