Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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