just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
