so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
