Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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