I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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