They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
