I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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