Just fell off a train. Bad.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
