i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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