Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
