Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
