is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
