So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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