I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
