its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
