how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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