I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize