I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
