I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
