see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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