An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
my liver is dry heaving
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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