Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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