i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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