I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
