So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
