You're a womanizer and a bitch.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
