my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
