just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
