did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
