I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize