So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
