It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
