You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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