the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize