16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
