I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
