i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
