i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
