I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
