so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize