If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
