Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize