the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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