I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
