U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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