dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
