I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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