My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
