I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
