I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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