Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
