Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
