Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
