Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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