All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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