Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
