So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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