Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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