you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
