I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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