I wannas sexs uuuuu
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
