I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
