Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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