Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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