i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
