He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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