my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
