I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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