idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
