Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
