You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
