The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
