she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
