He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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