Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
